The wedding shower is a very important part of the entire wedding planning session. Wedding etiquette has some pretty strong advice for those that are having one as well.
There are several key elements to remember here.
- You do not want to sound like you are having a shower to get gifts.
- You do not want to throw your own shower as a method of getting funds either.
- You do want to celebrate your engagement and upcoming life together.
So, how do we do it?
There are several ways to look at wedding shower etiquette. Let’s break it down here.
Who’s throwing it?
The first important aspect of the wedding shower is who will actually throw it. You should not throw your own shower, regardless. This is impolite and seems to say that everyone should give you gifts.
It is also impolite in most cultures throughout the United States for your mother to throw your shower as well. In fact, another close family member including your sister should not throw the shower for you.
But, if your sister is your maid of honor, it is acceptable for her to do this.
Who should do it then? Your maid of honor is responsible for hosting a wedding shower for you. It may be a surprise or it may be a large, formal get together.
As the bride, you really should not play a role in its planning other than offering opinions as suggested. This is a way for those that love you to show you so. In fact, it is often something they should plan from start to finish on their own.
More Etiquette to Consider
There are many more little things that factor into the wedding shower’s etiquette rules. Consider each one of these if you are to have a proper shower!
- Only people that are invited to your actually wedding or reception should be invited to the wedding shower. For this reason, the maid of honor or who ever are hosting the shower may need to contact the mother of the bride for planning.
The only exception to this is when you are throwing an office wedding shower. These are generally given to you by friends in the office; on their own. The wedding party does not need to play a role in the wedding shower here.
- It is acceptable for you to have several wedding showers. If you have one for each side of the family, that is fine as long as you stick to the rules here. But, it is much more commonly accepted that a family wedding shower will include both the bride and the groom’s family. It is a time to get to know each other as well.
- The mother of the bride as well as the maid of honor should try to attend all wedding showers. They do not and should not bring a gift to all of them though. It is acceptable if they do not make it to an office wedding shower.
- Men can be invited to a wedding shower. Generally, men that will be there include fathers of the bride and groom, the best man and the groom himself. But, in some cultures, it is acceptable to have a larger shower that incorporates others as well.
- Only invite a guest to one shower. They should not be asked to come to more than one because they may feel obligated to bring two gifts.
- Those that have been married before can have a second wedding shower. There are no restrictions to this, but they may want to request no gifts if they already have most of what they need to start their new life. Often, the host can request donations for a trip or simpler items instead.
- Most wedding showers should be a surprise to the bride and the groom. While this is not necessary all the time, most brides and grooms do expect to have a wedding shower thrown for them.
