OK. I’ve been so upset over the past few days about the ways the mother of my fiances children is behaving, and I’m worried that it is ultimately going the cause the children to dislike me.
First of all he and her split when is second child was 6 months old and first was 2. They have no memories of their parents being together, so I have never had to deal with them questioning why he is not with their mother still. In fact quite the opposite. I met them after a year, and before we even got engaged the little girl used to say “when you get married can I be a brides maid?” And my relationship with them has been fantastic, I love them and have never, like I know many step mums feel (although most would never admit it), resented them.
However, since we announced our engagement, the children have been coming out with lots of very odd things. They’ve said their mother doesn’t like me, and that she called me ‘weird’. OK so it’s not so bad, but why is she saying things like that to a 5 and 7 year old?
Other things have been siad too, but the one thing that has really bothered me is. Basically, my fiances always hurts the daugher when he tries to brush her hair, as he pulls too much and she ends up screaming, so I have always brushed her hair. Her mother kept it quite short until recently, then one day she came round with her hair in pig tails. So I redid it the next day in the same style. The next time a pony tail which I redid, using the bobbles that her mother had used to put it back in the same style. This happened four times, then the other day before she left, I got the brush, as usual and asked her to sit for me to do her hair. She told me, her mum had said I wasn’t allowed to ‘touch’ her hair, and that I wasn’t to put bobbles in it and that only her father was allowed to. She must have only relised I had been doing it recently. I have been so upset about it. That day she went to school with scraggally hair, after screaming when her father attempted the first brush.
Anyway, rant over. I feel like it’s like “you’re not allowed to play with my dollies” or something, but she’s a little girl. Anyway, would like some advice about how to deal with this, from single mothers whose children have a step mother…
Thanks 
I have never been ‘allowed’ to speak to the mother. I have asked time and time again. I wanted to speak to her face to face. We’ve been on holdays together and before each one, I have said to my fiance, shouldn’t I speak to her first, so she can know who her kids will be spending a week with? I have been surprised that she has no interest in talking to the woman who will be spending a week with her children, but she really does not want anything to do with me. He is not lying, by telling me she doesn’t want to speak to me, without actually asking her, as when he said to her on the phone “can you please stop with the negative comment about (me) to the kids” I signalled to put me on to speak. So he said to her will you talk to (me), and I heard her say “don’t be ridiculous, I have nothing to say to her”.
